Rev. Meg A. Riley
"We believe that God, or the sacred, permeates all aspects of life on this earth..."
Religion, Morality and Sexuality
By the Reverend Meg A. RileyMy eleven-year old daughter's vulnerability as an emerging sexual being is alternately exciting, scary, and mysterious to both her and to me. What does it mean to be an active, self-respecting girl in a culture that tells her girls ought to be passive and unsure? How can she keep in right relationship with other girls, and ohmygosh boys, through this time of growing up? Where is God in all of this? I am deeply grateful for the gifts of Unitarian Universalist theology to help me navigate these deep, choppy waters with her, as I have navigated and continue to navigate them myself.
I've spoken with friends and colleagues of many faiths who tell me that confusion and discomfort are what they feel when the words "sexuality" and "religion" are put together. Often, silence is the primary response of many faith communities to questions about human sexuality.
Unitarian Universalists approach sexuality differently. We actively talk about this crucial element of life. We have produced developmentally appropriate religious education curricula (Our Whole Lives) that people from kindergarten through adulthood can learn how to speak about sexuality. Sexuality is not about "having sex." It is not about what we DO. In the case of my eleven-year old daughter, I hope she doesn't "do" anything for another decade or so! Rather, sexuality is about who we are, how we live, how we understand ourselves as embodied, sensual, engendered, relational beings in the world.
It is in this broader sense of sexuality that Unitarian Universalists make comprehensive sexuality education part of our children's religious education as well as our own. We believe that God, or the sacred, permeates all aspects of life on this earth, and that sexuality is a very strong force in human life. We can't know God as separate, pure, ethereal—we only know God as interwoven into our beings, our relationships, our total lives, imperfect as these may be!
Human sexuality is an aspect of life which can allow us to experience God's love for our bodies and our souls. The sacred is known in radical mutuality, interdependence, the sheer knowing that our own joy and fulfillment are inseparable from that of others. We experience something akin to God's universal love when we experience the drenching recognition of love for other as being inseparable from love of self. Such recognition may take place in a lover's arms or at the homeless shelter, walking in the woods or giving a presentation at work.
At its most profane, of course, sexuality can induce shame, a sense of brokenness, and disregard for ourselves, for others, and for God. We know God through our relationships with one another. But we lose track of right relationship with the holy when we objectify another, when we irresponsibly use power to betray someone else's vulnerability, when we lack self-respect or comfortable boundaries to protect our or their health and safety. Sexuality is not simple, and this culture offers far too many messages that say it is a commodity to be bought or sold rather than a mighty cosmic force to be aligned with.
So we reflect upon our choices, aligning them with our religious values. Is there a presence of mutuality, love for self and other, openness and joy, responsible acknowledgment of possible consequences of action, both present and future in this potential action? Or does fear predominate, does shame overwhelm, is there lack of necessary information, is one or both parties diminished in selfhood?
And we don't look for one-size-fits-all answers. God did not create a universe of cookie-cutter homogeneity but rather a thriving web of complex and diverse ecosystems. This is true in the natural world and the human world as well. A radically loving God does not expect people to fit into narrow cultural norms of body size, sexual orientation, physical ability, marital status, or other modes of life. Rather, our Universalist faith tells us that being created in God’s image means being part of a vast, complex, imperfect interdependent system.
Our religious values are our compasses as we chart our way through the stormy seas of our self understanding as sexual beings. Our faith helps us to continually realign our course by refusing to close off any part of our lives or our hearts to a loving, forgiving God. Our love for ourselves, our love for one another, and our love for God hold us firmly upright. We do not tip over. We do not drift off into the fog. May this be true for my pre-adolescent daughter, and for me, and for you.
Rev. Meg A. Riley has worked in the intersection of religion and sexuality in a variety of contexts, including serving as Director of the Unitarian Universalist Association's Advocacy and Witness staff group, Office of Lesbian, Bisexual and Gay Concerns, Washington Office for Advocacy, Youth Programs, and as a religious educator in several Unitarian Universalist congregations. She is currently President of the Board of Faith in Public Life: A Resource Center for Justice and the Common Good.
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Last updated on Friday, April 18, 2008.
