LOVE WILL GUIDE US
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Children
SESSION 6: LOVE IS ETERNAL
BY REV. ALICE ANACHEKA-NASEMANN AND CATHY CARTWRIGHT
© Copyright 2010 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 11/8/2014 2:18:59 AM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
SESSION OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
Love is strong as death. — Hebrew scripture, Song of Solomon, 8:6
I sometimes feel wrapped, cocooned in love. I often feel it most strongly right before I go to sleep. Then I think of my parents who died years ago and remember what the priest told me when I grieved for my father. "People die," he told me. "They rot and turn to dust. But love is forever." — Agnes Collard, late 20th-century American
This session focuses on the sixth Unitarian Universalist Source—in children's language, "the harmony of nature and the sacred circle of life." Drawing on the wisdom of earth-centered traditions, the session connects love with the age-old human question "What happens when we die?" Participants hear some ways people have answered this question and learn that Unitarian Universalists believe we cannot really know the answer. Participants learn that when we remember people we love, they live on in our hearts and minds, and that the love we give when we are alive lives long after our death.
Participants have an opportunity to name their experiences with sorrow and death. They gather together in community, with a ritual for helping us through times of grief that includes creating flowers of memory and receiving a stone of remembrance and love.
NOTE: This session requires at least two adult leaders, so one can be available to offer support to children who find the topic difficult. Removing oneself from the conversation should be an option for any participant who needs to. Leaders should be ready to convey honesty, compassion, and comfort with the topic of death and any feelings participants may express, including fear, anger, guilt, or sadness.
Find out about significant losses these participants have experienced. Many children this age have experienced the death of a pet or grandparent, but some may have lost a parent, sibling, or peer or have a connection to death through war or natural disaster. Talk with your minister or religious educator to find out about recent deaths in the congregation or in the children's lives. Leader Resource 2, Tips for Talking with Children about Death and additional resources listed in Find Out More can support you to handle this topic.
GOALS
This session will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
SESSION-AT-A-GLANCE
Activity | Minutes |
Opening | 7 |
Activity 1: Story — Why Death Is Like the Banana Tree | 10 |
Activity 2: Sharing Our Experiences of Death | 10 |
Activity 3: Creating Memory Flowers | 10 |
Activity 4: Ritual of Love and Remembering | 13 |
Faith in Action: Cemetery Planting | 45 |
Closing | 10 |
Alternate Activity 1: Sharing Joys and Concerns | 7 |
Alternate Activity 2: UU Source Constellation — The Harmony of Nature | 10 |
Alternate Activity 3: Circle of Life Walk | 20 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
Sit comfortably and take a few deep breaths. With paper and a pencil, create a life loss timeline. With one end representing your birth and the other representing today, mark on the timeline your experiences with death and loss. Think of the first time you experienced death. How was it explained to you? What questions did you have? Take a few minutes to remember that experience and how you were helped or hindered in your grieving. Now bring your attention back to the children you will lead in this session. Sit quietly for a few moments. Open your heart to be guided by love in all you say and do this morning.
SESSION PLAN
OPENING (7 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather participants in a circle. Distribute Handout 1, Ten Million Stars, or point out the words printed on newsprint. Light the chalice and invite the group to read the words together responsively.
Referring to the Night Sky display, say in your own words:
When people first began to ponder the night sky, they wondered, "What are stars and why are they there? Why do they move?" "Where did I come from? How did life begin? Why am I here?" Although the sky did not give the answers, people used the stars as symbols for their beliefs about the important questions in their lives.
When people looked at their night sky, they saw patterns and pictures in the way the stars were arranged. Thousands of years ago, the Greeks and Romans, Chinese and Arabs, Native Americans, and other people all around the world named these constellations for gods they worshipped, animals they relied on, and everyday scenes from their lives.
Indicate the Big Dipper. Invite the children to discover the pattern of a dipping spoon. Say:
We call this constellation the Big Dipper. If we lived in Southern France, we would call it a Saucepan. Do you see the saucepan?
Ask the children what other pictures they see. Encourage them to imagine the constellation upside down. Tell them:
To the Skidi Pawnee Indians, this constellation looked like a sick man being carried on a stretcher.
To the ancient Maya, it was a mythological parrot named Seven Macaw.
To the Hindu, it looked like Seven Wise Men.
To the early Egyptians, it was the thigh and leg of a bull.
To the ancient Chinese, it was the chariot of the Emperor of Heaven.
The Micmac Indians saw a bear instead of the scoop, and hunters tracking the bear instead of the handle.
Now say:
People discovered how to use the stars to guide them when travelling. Knowing the constellations in the night sky helped them find the direction they wanted to go.
In the 19th century, people who were kept as slaves in the Southern states gave the Big Dipper a new name: the Drinking Gourd. This constellation became a symbol of freedom. Slaves who escaped knew they could travel at night, following the Drinking Gourd, to get to the Northern states where they would be free.
Say, while pointing to the North Star:
This one star does not move much in the Night Sky. The earth rotates and orbits around the sun, but this star, the North Star, is located directly above the North Pole, so it seems to always stay in the same place in the sky. Travelers without a map, a compass, or a GPS can use the North Star to know where they are and where they are going.
For Unitarian Universalists, love is like the North Star.
Now indicate the poster you have made of the seven Sources. Say, in your own words:
We let love and our Sources guide us, like stars in the night sky guide travelers. We use the wisdom of many Sources to help us answer the big questions about what we believe, just like ancient peoples used the stars.
Explain, or remind the children, that a "source" has to do with origin, or beginning. When we talk about the sources of our beliefs, this means we are talking about where our beliefs begin and how we get ideas. Say, in your own words:
Today we are talking about the harmony of nature and the sacred circle of life. This is our sixth Unitarian Universalist Source. We will talk about how nature helps us use love to answer big questions about death and dying.
Distribute (or indicate, if posted) the "Love Will Guide Us" lyrics. Sing "Love Will Guide Us" together.
Collect handouts/newsprint for use in future sessions.
Including All Participants
For participants who are not fluent readers, take the time to teach the opening words and song aurally, so children can come to know them from memory.
Use an LED chalice to avoid fire hazard and to include participants who are sensitive to smoke or scents.
ACTIVITY 1: STORY — WHY DEATH IS LIKE A BANANA TREE (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather participants in a circle in the storytelling area and show them the story basket. Say something like, "Let's see what's in our story basket this week."
Tell the group the items in the story basket will be placed on this table after the children have passed them around the circle. Take the story-related items from the basket, one at a time, and pass them around. Objects that are fragile, or which should not be passed around for any reason, can be held up for all to see and then placed directly on the table.
Name each object and ask a wondering question about each one, e.g., "Who has seen a full moon? Who has seen a half moon? Has anyone ever seen a banana tree?"
As items come back to you, display them on the table. Remove the sound instrument from the story basket. Tell the children that every time you tell a story, you will first use the instrument to help them get their ears, their minds, and their bodies ready to listen. Invite them to sit comfortably and close their eyes (if they are comfortable doing so). You may tell them that closing their eyes can help them focus just on listening. If someone is unable to close their eyes or sit still, invite them to hold one of the story basket items or an item from the fidget basket. In a calm voice, say:
As you breathe in, feel your body opening up with air. As you breathe out, feel yourself relaxing.
Repeat this once or twice and then say:
When I hit the chime (turn the rain stick over), listen as carefully as you can. See how long you can hear its sound. When you can no longer hear it, open your eyes and you will know it is time for the story to begin.
Sound the chime or other instrument. When the sound has gone, begin telling the story "Why Death Is Like the Banana Tree." Read or tell the story slowly, like a meditation. Use the rain stick again to indicate that the story is over.
Then, ask:
Including All Participants
Make sure everyone has an opportunity to experience the items in the basket, whether by sight or touch.
You may wish to make fidget objects available to children who find it difficult to sit still while listening to a story or can focus better with sensory stimulation. Remind children where the fidget basket is before you begin the "centering" part of this activity. (For a full description and guidance, see Session 1, Leader Resource 4.)
Consider using rug squares in the storytelling area. Place them in a semi-circle with the rule "One person per square." This can be very helpful for controlling active bodies.
ACTIVITY 2: SHARING OUR EXPERIENCES OF DEATH (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather participants in a seated circle. Ask if any have known a person or animal that has died. Follow up by asking if anything special happened at that time. Did they go to a memorial service? Did they bury a pet in their yard and put a flower on the ground? Give children a chance to share. Then, say, in your own words:
When a person or a pet dies people feel lots of different feelings. They can feel sad, or angry, or guilty, or scared. One of the things we do together in our congregations is talk to each other about the strong feelings we have. We can show we love each other by listening and offering hugs when someone is sad. In our congregation, when someone dies we have a special ceremony called a memorial service. (Or, mention another ritual used in your congregation.) At memorial services we remember the person who died. Unitarian Universalists believe we cannot really know for sure what happens when someone dies, but, when we remember them, then their love stays alive in our hearts.
Including All Participants
If a child in the group has recently experienced a death, have a co-leader sit near that child to offer extra support as needed.
Some children may find it difficult to sit still during this conversation; some may express their emotions by becoming restless. This may be a good time to make fidget objects available. Fidget objects are fully described in Session 1, Leader Resource 4. They can provide a non-disruptive outlet for a child who needs to move or who benefits from sensory stimulation.
ACTIVITY 3: CREATING MEMORY FLOWERS (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Tell participants they are going to make memory flowers to remember an animal or a person that has died. If they do not know someone who has died, they can make a flower to represent a relative or an ancestor who has died that they did not know; you might suggest a great-grandparent. Others may wish to remember a public figure they are aware of who has died; suggest a much-loved figure, such as Martin Luther King, Jr.
Show them the sample flower. Say, in your own words:
As Unitarian Universalists, we learn from nature. In nature we see that although everything dies, new life is always being born. It's as if old life gets recycled in the Earth and helps create the new life. Flowers can be a symbol of that new life.
Invite and help children to trace one of their hands on white paper. Then, invite children to cut out the hand and decorate it with images or words that remind them of the loved one that has died. Those who have not experienced a death can simply decorate the hands as they wish. As participants finish decorating their paper hands, help them make flowers by taping the hand (the blossom) and some of the green leaves to a pipe cleaner (the stem).
Note: Make a few extra flowers for leaders to use in Activity 4, Ritual of Love and Remembering.
ACTIVITY 4: RITUAL OF LOVE AND REMEMBERING (13 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
If you invited participants to bring in pictures or other objects to honor dead loved ones, have them place them on the centering table. Then, gather the children in a semi-circle, with their memory flowers. Say, in your own words:
One of the things we do together in this congregation is share our feelings with each other—when we are especially happy and when we are especially sad. When someone has died, we have special rituals for remembering them and celebrating their life.
Now we are going to have a ritual here. It is a time for us to share our memories of someone who has died or a time when we were especially sad. One at a time, we will each have a turn to put our flowers in the vase. Only one person should be standing at a time and everyone else should be listening. When it is your turn, you can tell us anything you want to about your flower and your memories and what you loved about the person or pet that died. If you do not want to say anything, that is okay, you can simply put your flower in the vase. After you put a flower in the vase, please sit back down and the next person will have a turn.
Ask if there are any questions.
When every child and adult has put a flower in the vase, say, in your own words:
We will keep this vase in our meeting room to help us remember that love is stronger than death and lasts long after death. Now, one at a time, we will each take a heart stone (or gem or bead) from the bowl on the table. When it is your turn, please go quietly to the table and choose a stone that you will take home with you.
When everyone has a stone, hold a stone up and say, in your own words:
Whenever someone loves us, that love stays alive in our hearts for the rest of our lives—even if they die. Take the heart you chose home with you, as a reminder that love lasts forever.
Including All Participants
Children will have had a variety of experiences with death. In addition, children will have varying levels of comfort in sharing their thoughts or feelings about death. Allow children to share as much or as little as they wish.
CLOSING (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Our Unitarian Universalist beliefs come from the harmony of nature and the sacred circle of life.
Description of Activity
Gather participants at work tables. Invite them each to decorate a Source Star to take home and share with their family. You might suggest they draw a circle to symbolize Earth or a picture of something alive in nature. As children work, attach one star that says "We learn from the Harmony of Nature" to the Night Sky.
When children are done, gather them in a circle. Say, in your own words:
Today we talked about how we learn from the harmony of nature and the sacred circle of life. We learned death is part of the circle of life. What does nature teach us about death? (Point out: We can see it is natural for everything alive to die, we can see new life constantly being born, the old life is recycled into the earth and helps create new life.)
If you wish to sing "Our Sources," distribute Session 1, Handout 3 or indicate the newsprint where you have posted the lyrics. Teach/lead the song, with a musical volunteer if you have invited someone to help. You might play the music clip of "Our Sources" for the children to sing along.
Distribute Taking It Home and thank participants.
Save the Night Sky display and the handouts/newsprint to use next time.
Including All Participants
At this age, children have a wide range of reading ability. Do not put individual children on the spot to read aloud.
FAITH IN ACTION: CEMETERY PLANTING (45 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Travel to the local cemetery you have selected. Gather in a circle and ask the children what they know about cemeteries. Say, in your own words:
Cemeteries are special places where people can be buried when they die. Some people come to a cemetery to visit their loved ones who have died, to remember them and place flowers on their tomb. We will plant flowers here, so new life can grow from the old life.
Have children plant the bulbs or seeds in the location selected.
Debrief the experience with questions such as:
Including All Participants
Make sure the planting site is fully accessible to everyone in the group.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
Take a few minutes to evaluate the session with your co-leader immediately afterward, while it is fresh. Share your thoughts with any other team leaders and your religious educator. You might find it helpful to consider:
TAKING IT HOME
Love is strong as death. — Hebrew scripture, Song of Solomon, 8:6
I sometimes feel wrapped, cocooned in love. I often feel it most strongly right before I go to sleep. Then I think of my parents who died years ago and remember what the priest told me when I grieved for my father. "People die," he told me. "They rot and turn to dust. But love is forever." — Agnes Collard
IN TODAY'S SESSION... We talked about ways of understanding death, drawing on wisdom from the sixth Unitarian Universalist Source, "Spiritual teachings of earth centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature." This Source is expressed in children's language as "the harmony of nature and the sacred circle of life." The children heard a story from Madagascar, in which the first man and woman are given a choice: Would humans die like the moon, in an endless cycle of death and rebirth, or die like banana plants, to be gone from earth forever but leaving a shoot behind that creates new life. Children discussed which choice they would have made. They made Memory Flowers to honor dead loved ones and shared in a ritual of Love and Remembering, placing their flowers in a common vase as a symbol that love lives beyond death.
EXPLORE THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Follow your child's lead in talking about death. These tips may help you be ready, when the topic comes up:
EXTEND THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Try... making a family tree together. You might include loved ones in your extended family, including relatives by adoption and remarriage. You may wish to include pets, as well. Talk about family stories that have been passed down. Focus on legacies each loved one left behind—ways their lives and their acts of love are still part of your family.
Family Adventure. Create a compost worm bin together and begin to compost your food wastes. A simple worm bin can be made by drilling air ventilation holes into a plastic container with a lid. Learn the benefits of composting and find instructions to make either a simple or more complex worm bin on the Watershed Activities website (at www.watershedactivities.com/projects/winter/wormbin.html).
Family Discovery. Many books introduce death and dying to children in an age-appropriate way.
A Family Ritual. Memorialize the death of a loved one by creating an annual remembering day, perhaps on the anniversary of the death. Your activities should reflect that person. You might make their favorite food, visit a place they liked to go, gather flowers that were their favorite, or share memories and stories about them.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: SHARING JOYS AND CONCERNS (7 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This activity invites participants to experience a ritual enacted in many Unitarian Universalist congregations. Sharing joys and concerns can deepen a group's sense of community. It gives participants a chance to share a portion of their lives in a unique way, encourages listening to others and, in many cases, makes a link with the adult worship experience.
Introduce the concept of sharing joys and concerns by saying something like:
As a community of caring people who are kind to each other, we want to know what has made you very happy or what has made you sad. You are invited to put a flame on one of these felt candles, place it on this felt board, and then share your joy or concern. Everyone in the room is asked to listen with respect. You do not have to say anything at all, if you do not want to.
Invite participants to come forward one at a time. As children share, listen without comment.
Including All Participants
If any children are reluctant to stand to address the group, allow them to speak joys and concerns from where they sit or invite them to light a candle silently.
This sharing circle can be a vital part of congregational ministry. Many congregations have in place a safe congregation policy in the event a participant reveals they are being hurt by someone. It will be important to alert your religious educator, minister, or Board president to any troubling issue that arise in this sharing.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: UU SOURCE CONSTELLATION — THE HARMONY OF NATURE (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Use this activity with your Opening to add additional Source constellations to your Night Sky.
Tell the children:
Our Sources are the way we are guided as Unitarian Universalists to help us live our faith.
Ask the children if they remember (or know) what a "source" is. Allow a moment for responses. Then, explain that the definition of source you are looking for has to do with origin, or beginning.
Say in your own words:
Today we are talking about the harmony of nature and the sacred circle of life—our sixth UU Source. We will talk about how this Source helps us answer the questions we have about death and dying.
Give the children time to think. Then, distribute the UU Source Constellation handout. Say:
We think it's important to learn from nature, so we have a constellation named in honor of this Source. Some of the stars can be connected to look like a terra (or Earth) symbol. It is a circle, with two lines across it to make four parts, like pieces of a pie. Can you find the terra symbol in our Night Sky?
Give them time to look for the terra symbol. As children find it, let them show you by tracing the shape with a finger on their own handouts.
Distribute gold and silver stars. Have children stick gold stars on the outlined stars and silver stars on the solid stars on their handouts. Then, invite them to pencil the terra constellation by connecting the gold stars. Tell them they may take home their own Harmony of Nature constellations.
Say:
As Unitarian Universalists, we learn from the harmony of nature and the sacred circle of life. Nature can teach us and guide us to love.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: CIRCLE OF LIFE WALK (20 MINUTES)
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Go for a walk in your designated location. Look for signs of decaying life that feeds other life, such as rotting logs or fallen leaves. Look for creatures that help with decomposition, such as insects. Explain that the minerals, energy, and nutrients in the dead plant and animal life get recycled back into the Earth. They create rich soil that other life needs to grow and thrive.
Gather in a circle to debrief, with questions such as:
Including All Participants
Choose a walk site that is accessible to everyone who might be part of the group.
LOVE WILL GUIDE US: SESSION 6:
STORY: WHY DEATH IS LIKE THE BANANA TREE
Based on a folk tale from Madagascar. Other versions appear in The Moon in the Well by Erica Helm Meade; African Myths and Tales, edited by Susan Feldmann; and The New King by Doreen Rappaport.
Long, long ago when God made the first man and the first woman and prepared to put them on the Earth, God asked them if they would rather die like the moon or like the banana tree.
The man and the woman did not understand. They did not know how to answer God's question. They wondered what it was to die. What would it be like to die like a banana tree? What would it be like to die like the moon? They asked God these questions.
God explained, "The moon dies every month. It slowly but surely gets smaller and smaller in the sky until it is only a tiny silver sliver. But then it is reborn and grows bigger every day until it is round and full in the sky. Every month it is the same—the moon grows smaller and then bigger in exactly the same way over and over again forever."
The man and the woman thought about this. They weren't sure they liked the idea of getting smaller and smaller until they died, but it was reassuring to think they would always be born again.
"What would it be like to die like the banana tree?" the woman asked.
God answered, "The banana tree must die. It will never come back. But first it puts out green shoots that grow up to be a new banana tree. Before dying the banana tree helps to create a new life. Which one will you choose?" God asked.
The man and woman considered this for a very long time. Which should they choose?
(Leader: Pause here and ask participants what they would choose. After a brief discussion, return to the story.)
They talked about it all night long, looking into the sky to watch the moon, which was beautiful and full. If they chose the moon they would never die—but life might get boring and lonely. They would only ever have each other for company. There would be no one else. If they chose the banana tree they would have children to love, but, in time, they would grow old and die.
Finally they decided. They would rather experience the joy and miracle of bringing new life into the world—even if it meant they would not be reborn like the moon. They told God they would rather die like the banana tree. And so it was that the first man and the first woman chose love. They had many children together, and their children had many children. Their children filled their hearts and lives with love and joy for all of the days of their lives. Finally, when they were very old, the time came for the first man and the first woman to return to the Earth, never to come back, just as the banana tree does when it dies. Since that time, all humans must die and make room for new life to grow.
LOVE WILL GUIDE US: SESSION 6:
HANDOUT 1: UU SOURCE CONSTELLATION: THE HARMONY OF NATURE
LOVE WILL GUIDE US: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 1: UU SOURCE CONSTELLATION ANSWER SHEET: THE HARMONY OF NATURE
LOVE WILL GUIDE US: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 2: TIPS FOR TALKING WITH CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH
LOVE WILL GUIDE US: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 3: LETTER TO PARENTS: RITUAL OF LOVE AND REMEMBERING
Download and adapt, filling in the appropriate information in the parentheses. Provide to parents/caregivers a week before this session.
Dear Parents,
This coming Sunday, (insert date), the Love Will Guide Us group will talk about Unitarian Universalist rituals and beliefs about death. As part of this session, children will participate in a Ritual of Love and Remembrance, in which we will emphasize that people who have died live on in our hearts and memories, as well as through the love they have shared.
We will create a remembrance together. Your child is invited to bring a picture or other item that helps them remember a loved one (human or animal) who has died to place on our table.
If you have any questions about how this topic will be handled, or what else we will do during our time together, feel free to contact (insert co-leader(s) and contact information).
Yours in Faith,
(Co-leaders)
LOVE WILL GUIDE US: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 4: SOURCE STAR: THE HARMONY OF NATURE
FIND OUT MORE
Talking with Children about Death
Find useful information on the Hospice Net website (at www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html).
Bereaved Children and Teens: A Support Guide for Parents and Professionals (at www.uuabookstore.org/productdetails.cfm?PC=1264) by Earl A. Grollman (Boston: Beacon Press, 1996) compiles the wisdom of 14 experts in a comprehensive guide to helping children and adolescents cope with the emotional, religious, social, and physical consequences of a loved one's death.
The Grieving Child by Helen Fitzgerald (Fireside, 1992) offers guidance on how to explain death to children and includes sections on visiting the dying and attending a funeral.
For help in guiding children to find their own answers to a variety of topics, including death, read Small Wonder by Jean Grasso Fitzpatrick (Penguin, 1995).
About Death: A Unitarian Universalist Book for Kids (at www.uuabookstore.org/productdetails.cfm?PC=1663). About Death presents a gentle, yet unsentimental, story about how a family deals with the death of their beloved dog. The story is followed by a series of questions a child might pose about death and its aftermath, particularly the rituals and cultural customs that accompany the death of a person. The answers to these questions, like the story that proceeds them, are frank and respectful of the child's curiosity. At the same time, both the story and the questions are illustrated by lovely watercolors that say, without words, yes, death makes us sad. A short poem that follows reminds us that death is a part of life. Ages 5 and up.
Our Unitarian Universalist Sources
A book highly recommended for this program is A Chosen Faith: An Introduction to Unitarian Universalism (at www.uuabookstore.org/productdetails.cfm?PC=385) by John A. Buehrens and F. Forrest Church. Each section includes two essays focusing on the six Sources of Unitarian Universalism.