LOVE CONNECTS US
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Children
SESSION 10: PEACE INSIDE
BY MICHELLE RICHARDS AND LYNN UNGAR
© Copyright 2010 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 11/7/2014 8:07:01 PM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
SESSION OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
[God] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. — Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971), theologian, The Serenity Prayer
If we are not happy, if we are not peaceful, we can't share peace and happiness with others, even those we love, those who live under the same roof. If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace. — Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace
In order to "dwell together in peace," we must learn to find peace in our own hearts. In the story, "Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom," a girl struggling with a friendship gains a new perspective and peace of heart through learning about the Serenity Prayer. Through meditation, a meditation bead activity, and some real-life scenarios, participants practice techniques to discern situations they can or cannot change and to find the serenity and courage they need in their own lives.
GOALS
This session will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
SESSION-AT-A-GLANCE
Activity | Minutes |
Welcoming and Entering | 0 |
Opening | 10 |
Activity 1: Story — Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom | 10 |
Activity 2: "Wisdom to Know the Difference" Scenarios | 10 |
Activity 3: Walking Meditation | 5 |
Activity 4: Guided Meditation | 5 |
Activity 5: Make Knotted Meditation Beads | 15 |
Faith in Action: Teach Centering Exercises | |
Closing | 5 |
Alternate Activity 1: Make Serenity Prayer Bracelets | 10 |
Alternate Activity 2: Sharing Joys and Concerns | 10 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
Find a place where you can be quiet with your thoughts. Close your eyes and breathe deeply for about five minutes, perhaps repeating a word or phrase to separate yourself from the activities of the day. When you feel settled and relaxed, consider:
Approaching difficult situations from a calm, centered place can be a challenge for children as well as for adults. Your ability to model seeking peace within and with others is a gift to the children in the group as they engage in a lifelong process of learning to live peacefully.
SESSION PLAN
WELCOMING AND ENTERING
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
As participants arrive, invite them to make peace sign ornaments. Tell the children that later they will hang the ornaments on the Rainbow Wall Hanging. If time allows, participants can use the markers or pencils to decorate the peace sign ornaments; make sure they leave room to write comments later.
Including All Participants
If any participants have difficulty with small motor control, encourage them to choose a sheet of card stock and hold the template on it for another child to trace a peace sign shape. Invite other participants to cut out extra peace signs, punch holes in them, and string them with yarn to make extra ornaments. Children who have trouble tracing and cutting may be able to decorate ornaments with markers.
OPENING (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Love is the spirit of this church,
and service its law.
This is our great covenant:
To dwell together in peace,
To seek the truth in love,
And to help one another. — James Vila Blake
Description of Activity
Invite a participant to light the chalice. Lead the group to read aloud the Blake covenant. Say something like:
The covenant we said together talks about "dwell[ing] together in peace." The starting place for creating peace around us is creating peace inside ourselves. It can be hard to feel peaceful if we think someone is being unfair or telling us to do something we don't want to do. Do you have ways you manage to find peace inside yourself? Have you ever had a time when feeling peaceful inside helps you act peacefully in a difficult situation?
Invite everyone to select a peace sign ornament and a marker, pen, or pencil. Encourage them to write on their ornament a way they find or use a peaceful feeling inside to help dwell together in peace. Allow participants a few minutes to write. Then, invite them, one at a time, to tie their ornaments to the wall hanging, and as they do so, if they feel like sharing what they have written, read or say it aloud to the group.
After everyone has had a chance to attach an ornament, gather around the chalice and extinguish it together.
Including All Participants
Invite participants who cannot write on an ornament to share verbally while you or another participant serves as "scribe." If you know some participants may feel uncomfortable sharing in a group, let them know as they enter the room that later they will be invited to share about ways we act to build peace. This may help them prepare an idea before the sharing time; they can also pass.
ACTIVITY 1: STORY — SERENITY, COURAGE, AND WISDOM (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Read or tell the story to the group.
Invite the group to be silent for a moment to think about the story.
Begin a discussion by asking the participants to recap the story in their own words. What they recall indicates what they found most meaningful or memorable.
Lead a discussion using these questions:
ACTIVITY 2: "WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE" SCENARIOS (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Participants explore how the Serenity Prayer might help them find inner peace and choose right action in their own lives. They view three scenarios through the lens of "the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Read each scenario out loud. After each scenario, ask the group:
Including All Participants
Make sure that participants who are less vocal, or who take more time to process their thoughts, have the opportunity to share if they wish.
ACTIVITY 3: WALKING MEDITATION (5 MINUTES)
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Begin the mediation in a space where there is room for the participants to move briskly without running into each other. Make it clear to everyone that this will be a meditation. Everyone will need to participate silently, and focus inside themselves. If the group tends to be rowdy, establish that, for everyone's safety, anyone who collides with another person will sit out the exercise. Say, in these words or your own:
Many kinds of meditation work well to help us relax and develop a sense of inner peace. We will begin with a walking meditation.
Start by having participants walk in place. Set a steady rhythm, neither very slow nor very fast, where participants swing their arms in opposition to their legs (so the right arm moves forward as the left leg comes forward).
Now invite the group to begin walking at a deliberate pace, any place they wish without touching anyone else. When the walkers have established a comfortable rhythm, ask them to match their breathing to their walking. Lead the group to breathe in for two steps (left, right) and out for two steps. Ask them to try to keep their concentration only on their breathing. It may help to count "one" as they breathe in and "two" as they breathe out.
After a minute or so, ask them to slow their breathing. Demonstrate breathing in for four steps and out for four. When they have tried this rhythm for a minute or so, ask them to choose the rhythm that feels most comfortable to them and continue the walking meditation on their own.
Allow the group to walk silently for a minute or so more. Then, regather the group. Ask participants to share their observations on the exercise:
Including All Participants
If any participants are not able to walk, re-label this a "moving meditation". A participant who uses a wheelchair can match their breathing to the rhythm of rolling their wheels; if they use a motorized chair, they can simply breathe to a regular count as they move forward.
ACTIVITY 4: GUIDED MEDITATION (5 MINUTES)
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This guided meditation follows a simple format which participants can recreate on their own to practice relaxation and seek inner peace.
Invite participants to get comfortable lying on the floor or sitting cross-legged on a cushion or mat. Tell them it is important that everyone keep an internal focus, and not interfere with the experience of those around them.
Ask participants to close their eyes, if they are comfortable doing so, and listen to a guided meditation. Read the meditation aloud, in a calm, clear voice. Pause after each sentence so participants can fully experience the meditation.
Imagine you are lying on the sand at the beach.
It is a warm day, and you are very relaxed.
Feel the sun's rays, which have been traveling through space to reach you, being absorbed into your skin.
You are getting warm, but also very relaxed.
As you get warmer, and more relaxed, you feel yourself start to melt into the earth.
Just let go. Imagine your fingers and toes warming and melting, melting into the earth.
Slowly, starting from the edges and moving in, like a popsicle left out in the sun, you are melting, turning into a puddle, and slowly being absorbed into the earth.
The process is very gentle, very relaxing, being welcomed in as a part of the earth that holds you.
You are no longer separate from the earth, but part of it, part of what nourishes the plants, part of the whole wide planet.
Enjoy the sensation of belonging to the earth, spreading out through roots and up through the veins of plants to take in the sun again.
Then, when you are ready, imagine you are collecting yourself up again.
Pull your melted, spread-out self back together, back to the surface where you are lying, back into your own familiar self, solid once again, yet relaxed and warm.
Now, come back to the group.
When everyone is re-gathered, invite participants to reflect on their experience with this meditation:
Including All Participants
Participants who have a very difficult time staying still may benefit from having a soft, quiet object, such as clay, to manipulate with their fingers during the mediation.
ACTIVITY 5: MAKE KNOTTED MEDITATION BEADS (15 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
People have used beads for centuries to facilitate meditation and prayer. Catholics may handle rosary beads to mark repeated prayers; Buddhists may use malas, strings of 108 beads, to aid meditation. The children make knotted strands of beads and try using them in a meditation to find inner peace—an activity that reinforces the "tied-together" theme of the curriculum.
To create the strand, knot one end of the cord. Make a knot large enough to prevent a bead from slipping off. String the first bead—it should be one with a texture, size, or shape distinct from the other beads that will follow. Then, tie another knot as close as possible to the bead.
Continue adding beads, each followed by a knot, until the strand reaches the desired length. You may leave the beads in a knotted strand, or tie the two ends of cord together to form a circle of beads. Trim excess cord.
When all have completed a knotted strand of beads, show them a way to use the beads in meditation: Have participants begin with the unique bead—the one they placed first on the strand. Instruct them to take the bead between two fingers and inhale, then turn the bead as they exhale. Repeat the process of inhaling while taking the bead between two fingers and exhaling as they turn the bead with each bead on the strand. Or, invite them to repeat a mantra, such as the word "peace," each time they turn a bead.
After participants have had the opportunity to meditate using the beads, invite them to reflect on how the beads might be useful to them in finding inner peace.
Variation
Depending on the makeup of the group, stringing the beads can be a meditative experience in itself. You may wish to play quiet music or encourage quiet focus in another way while children make their knotted strands.
Including All Participants
Participants who lack manual dexterity may need larger beads and stiffer cord. Be ready to help a participant; invite them to choose the beads they want on their strand, and string and knot the strand for them.
CLOSING (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Explain that the session is almost over and that we will now work together as a community to clean the meeting space. Ask everyone to clean up their own area and the materials they were using first, and then to clean another area or help someone else. No one should sit in the circle until the meeting space is clean.
Then bring the group to the circle. Ask them to cross their arms in front of their body before taking the hands of the people next to them. Say "We are tied together in the spirit of peace when we... " and ask anyone who wishes to fill in a word or phrase about how we are tied together in peace. When everyone who wants to share has done so, open the circle by having everyone, while still holding hands, turn to their right, so that everyone is facing out and no longer has their arms crossed in front of their body.
Distribute copies of Taking It Home you have prepared. Thank and dismiss participants.
FAITH IN ACTION: TEACH CENTERING EXERCISES
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Meditation/centering exercises can be helpful for both adults and participants, particularly in times of stress. This group can share their experience of meditation with your congregation by leading one or more exercises for another group in the religious education program or during a worship service. If your congregation has a relationship with a shelter for homeless families or survivors of domestic abuse, the children might bring a meditation experience to people open to new techniques for seeking calm and peace.
In addition to the walking and guided meditations presented in this session, you may wish to teach other simple exercises, such as listening intently for the sound of a chime as it dies away to complete silence, focusing on the flame of a candle or lighted chalice, or doing simple yoga poses.
Including All Participants
While some participants will likely volunteer to teach or lead a meditation exercise, joining the group of learners and modeling how to do the exercises is an equally valuable way to participate in this Faith in Action activity.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
Reflect on and discuss with your co-leader(s):
Approach your religious educator for guidance, as needed.
TAKING IT HOME
[God] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. — Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971), theologian, The Serenity Prayer
If we are not happy, if we are not peaceful, we can't share peace and happiness with others, even those we love, those who live under the same roof. If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace. — Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace
IN TODAY'S SESSION... we explored ways to find peace inside. We made a connection between our own inner peace and our capacity to bring peace to the world around us, even in difficult situations. In the story "Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom" a girl learns how the well known, nondenominational Serenity Prayer can give her perspective on a conflict with a friend. We practiced using "the wisdom to know the difference" between things we can change and things we cannot in true-to-life situations. We experienced both a walking and a guided meditation and made our own strands of knotted meditation beads.
EXPLORE THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Share your strategies for finding inner calm in difficult situations. Do you have a meditation practice or another form of spiritual discipline you use to seek inner peace? What situations tend to arise in your family in which it would be helpful for everyone to practice "the serenity to accept the things [they] cannot change, the courage to change the things [they] can, and the wisdom to know the difference"?
A Family Ritual. Conflict in a family is a natural occurrence. When individuals approach a conflict from a place of inner peace and calm, they can facilitate the conflict's resolution. Consider adopting a ritual to use when conflict gets heated in your family. Call a halt to the strife and have everyone involved in the conflict close their eyes, breathe deeply, and picture in their mind something or someone that makes them feel happy or loved: a pet, a dear friend or relative, a tree, a lake, a football stadium, a television program—anything that has strong enough positive associations to help restore a sense of peace and balance. Give yourselves a good minute; then, tell one another what you pictured.
Family Adventure. One of the easiest ways to find inner peace is to envision a favorite location in nature. But, of course, this kind of reflection is only possible when you have had experiences in nature that are familiar enough to call to mind. Plan a family outing to a location everyone agrees can be a "peaceful place": a beach, a campsite in the forest, a cabin in the snow, a nearby park with beautiful trees, a lake—whatever works for your family, location, and circumstances. While there, ask everyone to take some time to be quiet and really observe their surroundings. Paying attention to the sights, smells, sounds, and textures of this "peaceful place" will make it all the more vivid as a meditative refuge.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: SERENITY PRAYER BRACELETS (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Participants create bracelets to serve as reminders to accept with serenity the things one cannot change, to courageously change the things one can, and to find the wisdom to know the difference. Each bracelet will have three beads: one silver, one purple, and one gold.
For each participant, cut a length of elastic thread a few inches longer than the circumference of their wrist. Have each participant begin by stringing a silver bead onto the elastic thread to symbolize serenity. As they string the silver bead, invite participants to reflect silently or to share aloud when in their lives they have experienced the deepest serenity. Have participants tie a knot on either side of the bead.
The second bead is purple, for courage. As they string the purple bead, invite participants to reflect silently or to share aloud a memory of some time when they had the courage to change something (or simply a time when they felt courageous). Have participants tie a knot next to this purple bead.
The third bead is gold, for wisdom. As they string the gold bead, invite participants to reflect silently or to share aloud a memory of some time when they made a wise choice, or the name of someone they admire for their wisdom. Have participants tie a knot next to the gold bead. Then invite participants to help each other tie the elastic threads around one another's wrists to form a bracelet, and trim the ends.
Including All Participants
Participants lacking the manual dexterity to string beads and/or knot the elastic string can share their thoughts or reflect silently on each of the three topics while a co-leader or another participant strings and ties their beads.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: SHARING JOYS AND CONCERNS (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Description of Activity
In addition to building community through sharing information about important events in participants' lives, this version of sharing joys and concerns uses a ritual activity based on the metaphor of knots, allowing children to experience being literally "tied together."
Gather participants in a seated circle. Say:
We are all tied together by the bonds of community. What affects any one of us affects us all. We take time now to share our greatest joys and deepest concerns, events that have happened since last time we met which we hold in our hearts.
Invite a volunteer to go first, and give them the ball of yarn. Ask them to share their joy or concern and then, holding the end of the yarn, throw the ball of yarn to another child in the circle. This child may either share a joy or concern or choose to pass, but in either case they keep hold of the strand of yarn as they throw the ball of yarn to another participant. Continue until everyone has had a chance to share or pass, and the whole group is connected by a web of yarn.
At the end of the sharing you may invite participants to take turns winding the yarn back onto the ball. Or, pass around scissors and invite the children to cut a short piece of the yarn and tie it around their wrist as a sign of the covenant of caring which the group shares.
LOVE CONNECTS US: SESSION 10:
STORY: SERENITY, COURAGE, AND WISDOM
Marissa's mom could tell there was something wrong the minute Marissa slunk in the door after school. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing."
"Come on," her mother coaxed, "I know you better than that. Sometimes it helps to talk about things."
"I'll tell you what the problem is," blurted out Marissa. "The problem is that Jordan is a crazy, nasty, lying little... " Marissa caught her mother's raised eyebrow and finished the sentence,"... witch."
"Wow," said her mother. "I thought you two were BFFs (best friends forever)."
"Yeah, well that's what I thought, until she started yelling at me for no reason at all. Honestly, I just asked her about her weekend, and before you know it she's yelling about why am I so nosy and why do I keep poking in her business and I'm always in her face... which is just plain not true!"
"Sounds like she really lost her temper with you."
"Lost it is right!" yelled Marissa. "I'm done with her. I don't need to be treated like that. She can just find herself a different best friend, because I'm never speaking to her again."
"Well, that's one solution." Marissa's mom's voice was calm.
"Don't tell me you think I'm supposed to go back to her and apologize or something. I didn't do anything!"
"No, I don't mean that. I just wonder why she would go off like that."
"I dunno. I guess she's not the only one yelling these days. Last week she told me her parents are always fighting. She thinks they might be getting a divorce."
"So maybe you weren't really the one she was mad at."
"Maybe. But that doesn't give her the right to yell at me like that."
"No, it doesn't. But it might give you a different kind of perspective."
"Perspective?" Marissa was confused.
"You know, a different point of view."
"You mean that I should try to see things the way she sees them."
"That's one way to get a different perspective. But really what I meant was that you might be able to shift your way of seeing. If you look at the situation differently, you might find a good way to handle it."
"Like what? Stand there and get yelled at? Or am I supposed to fix her parents' marriage, so she's not all whacked out?"
Marissa's mother smiled. "I don't think either you or Marissa could do that. But you reminded me of a famous prayer which might help you try another perspective. The prayer goes: 'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.'"
"I think I saw that on a bumper sticker before." Marissa was intrigued. "But what exactly is 'serenity'?"
"Basically, serenity is like peace. When you feel serene you feel calm and centered. You feel okay about how things are, or at least that you, yourself, are okay and will be okay."
"Huh. Say the whole thing again."
Marissa's mom repeated: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
Marissa thought about those words. Then she said, "So with Jordan, I cannot change the way she yelled at me, and I cannot fix her problem with her parents. But I could try to be calm about how she acted. Maybe let her know I am still her friend, and give her a chance to talk about things if she wants to."
"Exactly!"
Marissa felt less upset already. But she wasn't sure what to do. "Jordan was really acting like a freak," she said. "I'm a little scared to talk to her."
"I'm sure," Marissa's mom said sympathetically. Then she said, "Let me tell you about the man who wrote that prayer, Reinhold Niebuhr. He was a Christian minister, and a pacifist. He believed Jesus' teachings meant participating in wars was flat out wrong.
"But then the Nazis came to power in Germany. Niebuhr was born and raised in the U.S., but his heritage was German. He felt shocked and saddened by what the Nazis were doing. As the U.S. got ready to go to war against the Nazis, he really struggled with what to preach."
"What did he do?"
"I guess he found the courage to try to change things. One thing he changed was his own thinking about war. He preached that it was important to go to war to stop the Nazis. I'm sure it took courage to let go of his pacifism, but he did it."
"Do you think he felt serenity about the terrible things the Nazis did? The things he couldn't change?" Marissa wondered.
"Serenity doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you stop wasting your energy being angry about things that have already happened or tackling problems that are not yours to solve," said her mother. "You have to practice serenity. Try to find your calm center when little things do not go your way—like not getting to watch the movie you want. Serenity calms you down, so you can find the courage for the changes you can make."
"Yeah, sometimes even the little things don't feel that little."
"True. And a fight with your best friend is always a big thing. But if you can work on the serenity to accept the things you can't change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference, you'll have gone a long way."
"I guess so. Can I call Jordan before I start my homework?"
"Sounds like wisdom to me," Marissa's mom smiled.
LOVE CONNECTS US: SESSION 10:
LEADER RESOURCE 1: WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE SCENARIOS
Scenario A: You really want to play with a friend, who is only available for the next two hours. Your house rules are that you have to finish your homework before you are allowed to play.
Scenario B: Two of your good friends are arguing. Each expects you to take their side, and says they will only be your friend if you side with them. But you want to remain friends with both of them.
Scenario C: For a whole year, you have been looking forward to joining the traveling soccer team. You just found out that, although two of your friends made the team, you did not.
FIND OUT MORE
The Serenity Prayer
Hear an NPR interview (at www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4284976) with Elizabeth Sifton, the daughter of Reinhold Niebuhr, about the circumstances which led to Niebuhr's creation of the Serenity Prayer.
In July/August 2008, the Yale Alumni Magazine published an article, "Who Wrote the Serenity Prayer?" (at www.yalealumnimagazine.com/issues/2008_07/serenity.html) by Fred R. Shapiro. The article explores the possibility that older formulations of the Serenity Prayer's sentiment influenced Niebuhr's articulation of the prayer. An editorial sidebar gives a brief biography of Niebuhr.
The E-zine website has a brief article about the history of the Serenity Prayer (at ezinearticles.com/?The-History-of-the-Serenity-Prayer&id=552531).
Meditation
Lisa Erickson's Mommy Mystic website offers a list of books and other resources (at mommymystic.wordpress.com/2008/11/10/meditation-for-kids-books-articles-and-other-resources/) about meditation for children, youth, and families.
The Article Doctor, a health and fitness website, has an article about mala, Buddhist meditation beads (at www.articledoctor.com/meditation/buddhist-meditation-beads-2361). Also find related topics including open-eye mediation (at www.articledoctor.com/meditation/benefits-of-open-eye-meditation-935) and music in African meditation (at www.articledoctor.com/meditation/african-meditation-music-2125).