AMAZING GRACE
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Children
SESSION 14: DOING YOUR GOOD SIDE
BY RICHARD KIMBALL
© Copyright 2008 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 11/7/2014 7:35:40 AM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
SESSION OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
— Mark Twain
Session 13 discussed ethical and character conflict in terms of two inner wolves. This session examines how each of us has a "good" and a "bad" side to our character and personality and explores external barriers to right action. The session begins with the Conundrum Corner and the opening quote and continues with a story of a father and son trying always to do what others say they should. In Ethics Play, participants search for obstacles to right action. They build an obstacle course and advise others how to conquer it. They then discuss five common sayings about character and behavior. In Faith in Action, they consider the strengths on their own "good sides."
The session is the second of four that focuses on ethical development.
GOALS
This session will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
SESSION-AT-A-GLANCE
ACTIVITY | MINUTES |
Opening | 5 |
Activity 1: Good Sides, Bad Sides | 5 |
Activity 2: Story – The Honorable Joha, Mula Nasruddin Hodja, and the Famous Donkey Story | 7 |
Activity 3: Ethics Play | 15 |
Activity 4: Ethics Obstacle Course | 20 |
Activity 5: Five Phrases | 5 |
Faith in Action: Your Own Good Side | 10 |
Closing | 3 |
Alternate Activity 1: Evolutionary Morality | 10 |
Alternate Activity 2: Temper Tantrums | 10 |
Alternate Activity 3: Ethics GPS | 10 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
In the days before you present this session, explore your own two sides. Can you identify them? How do you keep yourself on the virtuous, rightful paths you set for yourself?
In the moments before you present this session, with all preparations made, make a peaceful moment for yourself and for your connections with all. Breathe deeply. Know that your efforts to assist youth are themselves virtuous. Breathe deeply. Connect with what is good and true. Breathe deeply. Relax. Connect again with your leadership team, and be ready to greet your youth.
SESSION PLAN
OPENING (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
As participants enter, greet them. If you have newcomers, greet them warmly and be sure they know others in the room. Give them nametags if others have them. Ask newcomers and old timers alike to look at the Conundrum Corner, but do not say anything more about it. In answer to any questions about it, say you will be talking about it later.
If playing "Amazing Grace," stop the music, or reduce the volume to a very low background level.
Lead the group in the day's opening rituals—a chalice lighting, a moment of focusing silence, and a moment of sharing.
Light the chalice, or let a youth do so, and speak these words (asking the group to join you if you have posted them):
May this light help us to see ourselves as others do.
Ask the group to be silent for a moment as they reflect on the opening words and settle in for the session. End the silence by saying, "blessed be," or other appropriate words.
Point out the mirror in the Conundrum Corner and ask youth why they think it is there. Accept some guesses, then say that its purpose is to help the youth decide which is their best side: left or right. Comment that many people like to have their picture taken from the right or left side, because they think that shows their better side. Ask the youth to show by raising their hands which is their best side. How many think their left side is? How many think the right? Say that anybody who is unsure can use the mirror after the session to find out.
Extinguish the chalice without ceremony and move the chalice table aside as necessary to allow movement in the room.
ACTIVITY 1: GOOD SIDES, BAD SIDES (5 MINUTES)
Description of Activity
Introduce the session by giving its title, "Doing Your Good Side." Say that when you talked about showing your good side a moment ago, you meant "your best physical side." Add that most people really do not need to worry about their best physical side, because they look about the same on both sides. Then introduce the opening Mark Twain quote: "Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody." Ask participants what they think Twain meant. Was he referring to their physical side? Have the youth heard of somebody "showing their best side" by being on their best behavior? People sometimes say that about individuals who can be hard to get along with at some times but very nice at other times. Maybe the youth know people like that.
If further explanation will be useful, consider words like these:
Showing somebody your good side does not really mean doing anything physical. It refers to the fact that our characters are mixed. Some parts are better than other parts. Most of us have bad times when we feel or act angry or envious. Most of us have good times when we are kind, caring, and helpful. The differences reflect different parts, or the different sides, of our characters. We ourselves may understand that we seem to have two sides. Others may see that, too.
So "showing your right side" can mean doing the right thing instead of the wrong thing, being virtuous instead of sinful. That is why the name of this session is "Doing Your Good Side," not "Showing Your Good Side."
We say that people who try hard to do their best sides have "integrity." They live up to their own ideals and show their best characteristics. They do not just know what is right; they try to do it.
ACTIVITY 2: STORY — THE HONORABLE JOHA, MULA NASRUDDIN HODJA, AND THE FAMOUS DONKEY STORY (7 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Youth hear and react to a story about trying to please everyone.
Read or tell the story "The Honorable Joha, Mula Nasruddin Hodja, and the Famous Donkey Story."
Ask for reactions. Then lead a discussion by posing a few questions:
Point out, if participants have not, that peer pressure and advice from other people are not always wrong. Sometimes your friends are right about what you should do. If you accept what they tell you, you should do it because you think they are right, not because you will do anything they say in order to please them.
ACTIVITY 3: ETHICS PLAY (15 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Participants play a game replicating real-life situations involving ethical decisions.
At the end of the game, connect it to the themes of this session by asking what part peer pressure played. Did the opinion of others have too much influence upon the Star? Did the Star "do his/her good side"?
Including All Participants
If some participants have limited mobility, you might wish to have the group remain seated, or at least give individuals a choice between standing and sitting when they speak.
ACTIVITY 4: ETHICS OBSTACLE COURSE (20 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Ask youth to create model obstacle courses showing things that often stand in the way of right or virtuous action.
Introduce the activity by saying that most people want to do the right thing, but sometimes they fail because of problems that keep them from showing and doing their good side. Peer pressure, for example, may convince some people to act in a wrong way, even though they really know they should not.
Divide the youth into small groups of three or four, and say that each group is to create a model obstacle course that shows some of the things that interfere with virtuous or right action. Point out whatever supplies you have provided, and say that each group will build its obstacle course on a sheet of poster board. The team should try to make a course with five or more obstacles.
When you announce that time is up, the groups will come back together and share their creations. Each group will then (1) give the name of the obstacle, (2) say how the obstacle works in real life, and (3) say what somebody on the obstacle course must do to overcome it. For example, the group might choose to build a mountain and call it Peer Peak. In real life, they could explain, people sometimes want so much to be popular with their peers that they do what the peers say instead of what they think is right. The challenge for somebody on the obstacle course might be to run all the way up the mountain, stand on the top, yell, "I am my own person, and I will do what I think is right," and then run back down and go on to the next obstacle.
Have the groups take what supplies they need and find spaces to work where, if possible, they will not overhear each other's ideas.
The toughest part of this activity may be thinking of ideas. If some groups are slow getting started, you might offer some of these possibilities:
Stop the activity when six or seven minutes are left. Have the groups come together and share their ideas. So that every group has a chance to speak, ask each of them to tell about just one obstacle at a time. Be sure the groups give special attention to the way their obstacles work in real life, so that the fun of the activity does not bury its meaning.
Including All Participants
Be sure supplies and workspaces are in convenient locations for all participants to reach.
ACTIVITY 5: FIVE PHRASES (5 MINUTES)
Description of Activity
Lead a brief discussion based on the meaning of five phrases commonly used to describe a person's character.
Introduce and ask about the phrases with questions like these:
CLOSING (3 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Briefly summarize what you have done in this session. Hand out any Taking It Home activity suggestions you have prepared.
If earlier you moved your chalice from its central position, retrieve it and re-light it without fanfare. Ask the group to sit and to speak these closing words with you:
As we extinguish this chalice, may its light shine within so we may see the difference between right and wrong.
FAITH IN ACTION: YOUR OWN GOOD SIDE (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
In this activity, youth make silhouette drawings of their heads, identify characteristics that make people virtuous, and meditate on their own strengths.
Ask participants to work in pairs to make silhouette drawings of each other's heads. Each pair will need two sheets of paper and one or two markers. Each partner in turn should lay one side of her or his head down on paper while the other partner loosely moves a marker around the shape of the head to make a silhouette drawing. When they have finished, the youth will each have a simple drawing showing one side of their face.
Now have the pairs separate so participants can work independently. Give them instructions like these:
You have just made a drawing that shows one side of you to the world. Let us think of that as your good side. Now use a pencil or marker to write on your drawing some of the characteristics people need not just to show but to do their good side. In other words, what strengths do people need so they can act on their faith and be virtuous?
Give participants a few minutes to write. If a few are slow to begin, consider suggesting some common virtues of good people: strength, understanding, knowledge, love, ability to forgive. If most of the group seem to need some help, pause for a moment to brainstorm ideas and then have the youth continue. You may wish to point out that you are asking the youth to describe virtuous people in general. You are not asking them to write down their own virtues, even though you are sure they have many.
When the group seems to be running out of ideas, ask participants to stop writing and share aloud some of what they have written. Then lead them in a very brief meditation moment with words like this:
Let us sit in silence a moment and think about what we have written and what we have heard.
Now let us each pick a word that we think applies to us. What do other people see when you show the good side of your character?
Think how you can build on that strength.
Now think of a good characteristic that is not a personal strength, but is one you would like to strengthen. Remember, we are not born strong and virtuous. Sometimes we have to work to build up our ethical strength, just as we have to work to build up our bodies. We can shape our own characters, just as we can shape our own muscles. So what will you work on? How will you do it?
Think about this: Using and practicing the strength may help.
Take your thoughts with you as we end our time together. Carry them with you and use them to help you not just show, but also do, your right side in the days ahead.
Including All Participants
Be sure that work surfaces are convenient to use for as many participants as possible. If any participants cannot easily lay their heads on a table or counter, you can do the drawings by putting the paper on cardboard backing and holding it up to the side of their head.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
Meet with your co-leaders after the session to reflect on how it went. How was your mix of discussion and action? Have you successfully found ways to involve all youth fully in your sessions despite any limitations they might have? Do youth understand that showing and doing their good side is a choice that may require some effort? If not, how can you help them grasp that fact?
Look ahead at Session 15. Decide who will lead which activities, and who will be responsible for which supplies.
TAKING IT HOME
Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
— Mark Twain
IN TODAY’S SESSION… We talked about our good sides and our bad sides. A story about a man and his son and their donkey made us think about peer pressure. We did Ethics Play and made an Ethics Obstacle Course, then talked about some common phrases that describe people’s characters. For Faith in Action, we made plans to strengthen our good sides.
EXPLORE THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Talk about…
EXTEND THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Try…
MYSTERY AND ME
How would you describe your character? Pretend that you are a friend of yours. Think of a paragraph that friend might write describing you to somebody else. Are there any mysterious parts in your character that are hard to see or to understand? If you are journaling, write your paragraph there. If you thought about one of your character strengths in Faith in Action, write that in your journal, too, along with some ideas about how to use that strength.
A FAMILY RITUAL
Talk each day about the right and wrong you have experienced. Did you each do something good you want to share? Is there somebody in the family you want to thank for a virtuous act? Is there something you wish you had not done that you need to talk about? How can you make tomorrow a better day?
A FAMILY GAME
Play character charades. Pick a person everybody in the family knows and try to act like that person so other people can guess who it is. You can talk in this game if you want. Try to show the character by how you say something, not what you say.
FAMILY DISCOVERY
Discover something you have never noticed before about one another’s characters. Talk about what you find. Does doing this help you understand each other better?
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: EVOLUTIONARY MORALITY (10 MINUTES)
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This activity offers theory and discussion that will appeal to thoughtful youth who are attracted to ideas. You can challenge such youth by giving them the basic idea and asking them to fill in their own details. If your own group is not often up for serious discussion, you might just offer the basic idea and go on to something else.
The basic idea is simple enough: Some researchers say that morality evolved as a way to help humans survive. For example, people learned that some odors came from things that would be deadly to eat. They learned through time to think of those odors as disgusting. So today, children smelling that thing for the first time would call it disgusting without having any idea what it came from or what it meant.
One such researcher is Dr. Jonathan Haidt, a moral psychologist at the University of Virginia. He wrote a book about the subject called The Happiness Hypothesis. (See Find Out More.) He says that when people feel strongly that something is right or wrong but they cannot say why, they are making a moral judgment that developed through evolution.
If your group talked about the Golden Rule in an earlier session (see Activity 4 of Session 4: Telling Right from Wrong), remind participants that many different religions and cultures have some form of the Golden Rule. Remind them also of what the Golden Rule says: "Treat other people the way you want them to treat you in the same situation." Then challenge the youth with these questions:
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: TEMPER TANTRUMS (10 MINUTES)
Description of Activity
This activity invites youth to burn off some physical steam by silently demonstrating a temper tantrum thrown by a small child. Its purpose is to introduce the topic of emotional outbursts without asking youth to talk about their own most temperamental moments. This leads to a discussion about controlling negative emotions.
Ask youth to silently act out a two-year-old's temper tantrums. Depending on available time and the size of the group, you might have them perform one at a time or all at once. Note as you begin that not all two-year-olds act out in the same way. Some may be very physical and others may just sit in some angry pose letting the world know that everything is wrong.
When all have settled down, say that having temper tantrums is normal for two-year-olds. Many little kids have them and we do not consider the children immoral or unethical. However, we expect older people to control themselves better. Nobody thinks it is right for adults to have temper tantrums. Ask the group how old most people are before they stop losing their temper frequently. Through discussion, help your youth come to understandings like these:
Many people have occasional bad moods all through their lives. In fact, it would be difficult for most people to smile all the time. Life can be hard, with all sorts of pressures; most of us occasionally feel badly until time passes, things change, and we begin to see that life is not all bad. People who get very angry or violent or who suffer from frequent mood swings should get help from a professional counselor or a doctor. If somebody's anger is hurting themselves or other people, it is time to do something about it. You can have problems and still be a virtuous person who does many good things. Nevertheless, ignoring your problems is wrong, especially if the problems hurt you or other people.
Ask participants how they go about controlling themselves. Suggest this scenario: "Imagine that you are angry at a family member and a friend shows up at the door. You do not want your friend to see you angry, so you have to change your mood immediately. How do you do it?" Say that sometimes how we feel and act is a mystery even to us. If we can solve the mystery, we can control ourselves better.
Personalize this discussion as much as you think will be appropriate and helpful for your group, but do not pry into the emotional lives of participants. You might ask if any of them sometimes have bad moments and lose their temper. Spend more time discussing how the youth have learned and are learning to control themselves.
Including All Participants
Allow all participants to act out silent temper tantrums if they wish. Do not assume that people with limited mobility will not find this activity amusing or will be unable to express themselves physically.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: ETHICS GPS (10 MINUTES)
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Ask participants to imagine what an ethics GPS would be like and then to demonstrate how it would work.
Begin by asking whether participants are familiar with GPS, or the Global Positioning System. (Be assured that many youth will have tried GPS in school and summer programs, if not at home or in family cars.) Explain, if participants do not, that GPS uses satellites to track things on Earth: to show where they are, what speed they are traveling, and what direction they are moving. If you have GPS in your car, you tell it where you want to go by keyboarding an address or a telephone number, or, in some cases, by speaking aloud to it. The system then tells you how to get to your destination. A voice gives instructions as you drive, saying things like this: "At the next intersection turn left."
Continue by asking what an ethics GPS system would be like. Could it help people make the right choices and stay on a virtuous path?
Let the group propose its answers as a full group, if you like. Or, if the group is large, divide it into smaller groups and let each come up with answers to compare at the end of the activity.
Use a few questions like these to get things started: What sort of destination would people want to reach? Who would decide how people should move, and what they should do? What would the ethical decisions be based on?
Ask for volunteers from each small group or from the full group to act out the way their ideas would work. One youth might describe an ethical destination, say, reaching a decision about a specific problem, such as whether to steal bread to feed a hungry child. Another youth could give GPS directions in a computer-like voice. A script might begin like this:
DECISION-MAKER: How do I reach a decision?
GPS: Ask your parent for advice.
DECISION-MAKER: My parent is not home. (Or did not have an answer.) Where do I go next?
Here are some possibilities to offer if discussion is slow to begin: For a destination, some people might select heaven; others might select a happy life or a specific work goal. People who could decide how people should move might include judges, religious leaders, or teachers. The ethical decisions could be based on the law or the Bible or some other set of rules.
AMAZING GRACE: SESSION 14:
STORY: THE HONORABLE JOHA, MULA NASRUDDIN HODJA, AND THE FAMOUS DONKEY STORY
Retold by Sarah Conover and Freda Crane. From Ayat Jamilah: Beautiful Signs: A Treasury of Islamic Wisdom for Children and Parents (Boston: Skinner House, 2010).
Kan ya ma kan: there was and there was not a time when Joha and his son set out for the market with their donkey walking along behind them. They passed several men sitting outside a shop drinking tea and heard some of their remarks.
"Look at that man! How can he be so mean as to make his child walk all the way to the market when he has a donkey the child could easily ride?" Joha immediately picked up his son and put him on the donkey's back. They continued this way for a while, until they passed several women who were also on their way to the market.
"For shame," said one woman to another. "Look at that child, riding the donkey while he makes his father walk. Doesn't he have any respect for his elders?" Right away, Joha took his son off the donkey, and got on himself. They had traveled only slightly farther, when someone else criticized the father for being so selfish—riding on the donkey while making his son walk. In response to this criticism, Joha picked up the child and placed him on the saddle directly in front of him.
Alas, this maneuver also brought forth criticism. "How mean they are to overload the donkey like that!" cried an old man to his friend.
There is only one thing to do, thought Joha in despair. He and his son dismounted. After a great deal of effort, Joha managed to heave the donkey upon his own back. Only a little way down the road, everyone was laughing at the stupid man carrying his donkey instead of riding it.
Shamefaced, Joha put down the donkey, and they continued to the market exactly as they had started—with all three walking. Some minutes later, Joha looked at his son: "So you see," he said with a wise nod, "it is clearly not possible to please all people. It is better to do what you know is right and please God."
FIND OUT MORE
Haidt, Jonathan. The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom (New York: Basic Books, 2006). A book that explores the evolutionary bases of morality.
Wade, Nicholas, "Is 'Do Unto Others' Written Into Our Genes?" New York Times, September 18, 2007. This article reviews of the ideas of Dr. Jonathan Haidt.